Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship

•    Economic dependence: Abusers often restrict their victim’s financial resources to keep them dependent.
•    Parenting: Our culture puts a great deal of emphasis on the need for two parents, regardless of whether or not one parent is abusive.
•    Religious and family pressure to keep the family together.
•    Security: fear of being alone and that the responsibility of handing children and home will be overwhelming.
•    Loyalty: Victims often believe that their abusers are sick, and that they should stay with them like they would if their partner had cancer or another disabling condition.
•    Pity: Victims often believe that their abusers are worse off than they are themselves.
•    “Savior Complex”: Many people believe that their love can change a partner for the better.
•    Fear of the abusers suicide: Abusers often threaten to harm themselves if their victims leave
•    Denial: “It's really not so bad.”
•    Love: “I love him. When he's not being abusive, he is quite loving and loveable.”
•    Guilt: Abusers may convince their victims that marital problems are the victim’s fault.
•    Responsibility: Victims may feel obligated to try to make the relationship work in order to fulfill marriage vows or other promises made to themselves, their children, or their abuser.
•    Shame, embarrassment, humiliation: “I don't want anyone to know.”
•    Identity: Many women feel they need a man to feel complete.
•    Optimism: “Things will get better.”
•    Low self-esteem: “It must be my fault.” “I deserve it.” “I'll never find anyone better.” “A little love is better than no love at all.”
•    Survival: Abusers often threaten to follow victims and hurt them or their children if they leave.
•    Learned Helplessness: The feeling of passivity and paralysis which begin when a person is battered are reinforced by the responses of family, friends, and helping professionals who ignore the problem, don't believe it really happened, and/or blame the victim.
•    “Stockholm Phenomenon”: When hostages are held for a period by their captors, they begin to identify with the captor. This syndrome is manifested by many victims who are literally held hostage by their abusers.
•    When a person lives in unending terror/stress, their ability to resist gets worn away. They become confused, exhausted, and lack the energy needed to make changes.